Today, our family got smaller. 

No, nobody died, it just feels that way somehow.  Our son and daughter in law signed divorce papers, ending a marriage that for many years, was very happy.  It's the last day of their marriage today.

To try to put into words my reaction to this is not so simple.  Yes, there were sad and destructive words and actions.  Yes, there was much hurt.  But..oh what a wonderful happy and blessed beginning they had.  Theirs was a "covenant" marriage by choice, the ceremony full of the Word of God, and celebrated by so many.  This was no casual worldly relationship...then.

They intended to live a life of mission and service to the Lord, both of them very committed.  So sincere, so idealistic, so in love with each other and the Lord.  Three beautiful children, all cherished and wanted. 

How does this happen?  Several years ago, we began to notice a change.  Priorities changed, appearances changed, the way time was spent changed.  It looked as if the desires of their heart changed.  Sometimes the care of this world in a young family can upset the balance.  Is that what happened? Perhaps.  We could sense trouble ahead...could they?  If we commented gently, we were met with denial.  We worried, silently then.

By the time their relationship failed, one had carefully planned it, and the other was totally surprised at the legal papers served.  Then, it started, the long 18 months or so that it took to completely end a marriage, and to completely devastate a family.  They should have known better, as there was a pattern already of divorce in one of the parental families.  They should have tried everything, but they didn't.  It takes two, doesn't it, to save a family?  One had already set their course on a new and different kind of life, one that embraced the culture of the day.  How did this happen??

What advice do you give your adult child in this situation?  Hang in there, for heaven's sake get counseling, don't give up...the two of you and God can work out anything..?  Yes, we encouraged, tried to help our grandchildren..and might I add, under the darkest legal cloud you can imagine.  There is a particular breed of attorney that makes a LOT of money off of divorce.  A LOT.  And in the end, their input and involvement just makes things 100 times worse. 

So now, to add to the misery mix, many thousands of dollars have been devoured during this process, money that could pay for educations, medical expense, braces, prom dresses, and all the other necessary items for children.  How long will it take to recover from the complete assault on that family?

We know the mastermind of this debacle.  Of course it is satan, who we despise with every fiber of being.  We have seen him in action against marriages before, but were still caught off guard when he set in his sights his evil plan for our own children and grandchildren.  We MUST teach our childen more agressive spiritual warfare, and to confront in the light, what satan would like to keep in the dark! 

What this has done to us as an extended family has been devastation...a word over-used these days, but the only one that rolls off my fingers at the keyboard.  We've known physical devastation, and this, this is devastation of people, up close and personal.  I have known friends whose children have gone through divorce, and many of them say, 'oh, you just have to let them do what they are going to do, and stay out of it'....but no one has ever been able to tell me just how to do that.

Do you just ignore it?  How?  Do you just keep busy?  How?  Do you just say to yourself when you see your grandchildren suffering...oh well?  How do people do that?

How do you just stand by and watch people you love self-destruct?  How do you watch them change into someone you don't even know?  Lord, You alone know how to reconcile all this damage.  You alone know how to guard the kingdom purpose and destiny of all these we love.  You.  Alone.

On this, the last few minutes of this day before we have one less family member.  Tears.  For someone we have been praying for since before she was born, who has been one of our children for so long.  Just..tears.